“Newlyweds Baby”
Season: 3
Episode: #5

Episode recap:

There seems to be one question on everybody’s minds: “Are Jessica and Nick going to have a baby?” Nick and Jess can’t get away from the press’ prying as a montage of scenes of them at different interviews and photo shoots dodging the infamous question plays out. It’s even the topic of choice while Nick, Jessica, Drew and Lea are having dinner with Nick and Drew’s parents. So to put the issue to rest, there will be no little Nicks or Jessicas running around anytime soon. Instead, they discuss adopting one: Nick doesn’t think that adopting a kid before having one of your own is a good idea, but Jess doesn’t understand his logic. The bottom, bottom line? No kids just yet for the newlyweds.

But that doesn’t mean they don’t like kids. Nick volunteers to become a big brother for Big Brothers Big Sisters of America just before he and Jess leave for Arizona. They arrive in Scottsdale, to visit their good friends Tony and Lisa and their little baby Mason. From the moment they get there, Jess is smitten with little Mason. She helps Lisa put suntan lotion on him, gets a kick out of every little thing he does, and even changes his dirty diaper despite the “massive dump” inside. Mason goes down for a nap, and as soon as he is heard crying on the baby radio, Jess is the first one to go check on him. She doesn’t turn off the radio, though, so everyone, along with a hysterically amused Nick, listens and laughs as Jess pleads with Mason to stop crying.

The crew, consisting of Nick, Jessica, Tony, Lisa, CaCee and Mason, go out for Nick and Jess’s favorite pastime activity: dinner. While reading over the menu, Jessica tells the table that she isn’t sure if she should order the Mahi Mahi because it’s dolphin. Everyone laughs in disbelief, but no one was ready for what happened next. When they asked the waiter at Jess’ confident request, she turned out to be 100 percent right! As if that wasn’t impressive enough, Jess even expressed more knowledge on the subject by using the word “bottlenose” to denounce Nick’s teasing that she was going to eat Flipper.

The ladies take note of Nick and Tony’s red-eyed drunkenness. The next day, Nick and Tony are nursing their hangovers by golfing (badly!) and drinking more beer while the girls hang poolside and talk girl-talk about exes –specifically one of Jess’s that left her for LeAnn Rimes. But back to the guys on the green. They are golfing bad enough to make any golf enthusiast cringe, but it is possible that the frequent pit stops for beer have something to do with it… Meanwhile, the girls are talking about shaving, waxing and CaCee’s broken heart. Jess offers her condolences by telling her not to worry, saying, “there are guys out there like Nick and Tony.” The scene immediately switches to said poster boys for good catches as they are yelling and cursing at their golf balls and drinking beers. Sigh.

When the guys get back to the pool, it’s their turn to watch Mason. The girls head out to get manicures and pedicures. After taking their time picking out nail polish colors, CaCee tells an embarrassing lip-waxing story of every girl’s nightmares: where the wax not only burned the top layer of her skin, but left a huge scab in the shape of a mustache. Yikes! When the girls get back, Jess and Nick are put on baby watching duty while Tony and Lisa go to get massages. After getting some instructions, Nick and Jess go to work playing with little Mason until it’s Nick’s turn to change his diaper. Nick handles it like a champ, then takes a minute to sit back and cheer on Mason, who’s got a good grip on Jessica’s hair. Tony and Lisa return, and Nick and Jessica go back home. Again at dinner with Drew, Lea, and the Lacheys, Nick and Jessica find themselves in yet another conversation about babies. This time they are discussing Vogue’s list of popular baby names. Nick’s mom asks the girls what they are going to name their babies, and Nick replies that they can’t answer because they “don’t know what names will be in Vogue in 2015.” They all laugh as another chapter in the lives of the Newlyweds closes.

Extras

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