April Blair, Kelly Bowe
February 3, 2009
Cast: Vivica A. Fox, Steve Guttenberg, Aimee Garcia, Olesya Rulin, Keiko Agena, Cheri Oteri, Bryce Johnson, Ryan Sypek
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The tumbling blond locks and preternaturally white smile of Jessica Simpson brighten up Private Valentine. Megan Valentine (Simpson), the fluffy star of many talking animal movies, discovers her accountant has embezzled all her money and her boyfriend is gay. Thinking it will help her gain control over her life, she blithely signs up for the army–but independent thinking is not exactly what the army has in mind. She and her multi-ethnic platoon-mates bond over midnight chocolate raids, disco dancing, and digging up an embarrassing past secret of her drill sergeant (Vivica A. Fox, not exactly convincing as a hard-as-nails soldier). But will she gain the respect she most craves–her own? Private Valentine is a flimsy retread of Goldie Hawn’s classic 1980 comedy Private Benjamin. But despite its many, many flaws–most significantly, after humiliating her platoon repeatedly, Valentine wins them over far too easily–Private Valentine is so puppy-dog eager to please that it’s hard to dislike. Simpson cheerfully makes fun of herself and clearly wants to escape her sex-bomb image (the movie puts very little emphasis on her curves). Also featuring Steve Guttenberg, Cheri Oteri, and an actually funny (and all too brief) appearance by Michael Hitchcock (Best In Show, Waiting for Guffman). –Bret Fetzer
TRIVIA & FACTS
– Originally titled “Major Movie Star”.
– Jessica’s dog Daisy played her dog Peek-a-boo in the movie.
Additional cast and credits. Plot summary and more.